The fear of abandonment can have a debilitating effect on your life. It stems from past traumatic experiences and causes individuals to adopt unhealthy and sometimes self-deprecating thoughts. One of the most common ways abandonment trauma manifests is through intense fear of being left by family and loved ones, leading many to avoid forming relationships at all.
It can cause a lifetime of unhealthy relationships, eventually becoming a self-fulfilling issue. So how do you heal?
Focus on Your Needs
When you live with abandonment trauma, the go-to is to keep other people around you happy. Many become hyper-focused on the needs of the people in their life because they fear that not doing so will cause them to leave. Unfortunately, that often forces you to neglect your needs.
An abandonment counselor can help you turn the focus back on yourself. They work with you to reprioritize and spend time overcoming your negative thought patterns. A change in direction can be life-changing and help you form healthier relationships.
Soothe the Inner Saboteur
When you start to feel anxious about a relationship, it's usually your inner child screaming for comfort and attention. It's your past self confronting your current self. The issue is that your inner saboteur never truly healed from the traumas of the past.
An abandonment counselor can help you by teaching you ways to soothe that broken child. They can teach coping mechanisms that silence negative introspections and encourage you to find peace. It can be as simple as reminding yourself that you're safe or turning to talk therapy to express your thoughts.
Whatever the case, learning to cope with the inner saboteur encourages you to confront anxiety and see situations for what they are.
Flipping Your Perspective
This technique is sometimes called "integration." The concept is simple: Instead of viewing your traumas as damaging, you can learn to lean on the positive. While abandonment trauma can negatively impact your life in many ways, it's also helped shape who you are. Instead of viewing it as a bad experience, you can see it as a necessary one that helped you grow and get stronger.
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